Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
two words...techno handjob
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
