She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
