Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
