insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
