Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
