Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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