I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
