I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
