just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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