you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
