This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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