I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
