The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
