i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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