is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
