ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We need a shit load of segways right now
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
