somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
