was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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