gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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