awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she peed on how many people?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
