Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
where are my eyebrows?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
