I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize