you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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