If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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