I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
