New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
