I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
