Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
