I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
