I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
