I am in a vortex of obligation.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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