You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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