the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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