Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Randomize
