Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
