No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize