Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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