fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
