sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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