how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
