THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
