the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
