oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
