Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
