If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
