holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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