As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
