She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
