i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
