i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
