I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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