New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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