you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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