seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize