I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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