this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
