I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
