and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
