I wish I could teleport
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My apartment stinks of burning failure
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize