i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
