i just google imaged poop.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
