allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
