Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
