Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
