I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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