but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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