tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
