i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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