I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
