as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
