College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
