im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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