I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize