That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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