I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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