I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
well you can't waste a boner
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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