Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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