Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
