Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
