The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
