My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
