I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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