Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
