Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
